I Can Fit Through The Angel Chair

The Back Story:

Late one night in the parking garage of a theater where I used to work, I saw The Angel Chair sitting in the corner near a maintenance closet. It was inexplicably weird — so bright, so green, so covered in creepy angels. In an uncontrollable fit of greed I stole the chair, smuggling it out in the back seat covered with a blanket. The next day, overcome with guilt (imagining the grief someone must be feeling due to its sudden disappearance), I returned with the abducted cathedra.  I confessed what I had done to the man in the pay booth. He said they have a bunch of chairs for the valet parking attendants and that no one probably even noticed and this is not a chair of any special importance (NOT SPECIAL?!?) He said I could have it so I took it home again, this time with a clear conscience.

Who made The Angel Chair? Is the project finished? There are empty spaces that could fit a few more cherubic faces or stylized fruits. Is it intentionally ugly or is this an expression of the artist’s true aesthetic? Is the smattering of silver glitter supposed to be ironic?

There were chips in the paint and some of the stickers, excuse me appliques, were peeling off. Also whoever crafted this glorious example of Decoupage had neglected to the bottom rungs. So I painted the bottom in my favorite electric blue, re-glued the loose angels, and covered the whole thing in several coats of indestructible polyurethane so that The Angel Chair can survive a zombie &/or nuclear holocaust and beyond into eternity for the enjoyment of any remaining humans or cockroaches.

The Angel Chair really creeps out My Man. In fact he calls it The Punishment Chair, which isn’t nearly as fun as it sounds. I used to keep the chair in my little office and whenever we had to discuss finances or bills or something stressfully marital that is where he sat. Hence the punishment.

Now The Angel Chair has a prominent place in the entryway and LUCKY US we get to look at it EVERY DAY whenever we want to use the door.  Yay!!!


2 responses to “I Can Fit Through The Angel Chair

  1. I love that your knee socks match the chair. The chair… awesomely creepy.

    • Thank you!
      I had a Skoopy-inspired fashion moment yesterday. I was having trouble deciding between a scarf (made by Jessie) and necklaces (gift from Jessie) when I realized Solution! All of the above.

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